Letter is from Amar Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
2. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
3. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
4. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
5. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
7. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
8. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
9. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Letter is from Amar Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
A woman walked into the welfare office, trailed by fifteen kids.
"Wow," said the social worker, "are they all yours?"
"Yes, they're all mine," the tired mother sighed, having heard that question a thousand times.
"Well," said the social worker, "you must be here to sign up. I'll need their names."
"This one is my oldest -- he's Leroy," she began.
"Okay, who's next?"
"Well, this here's Leroy, too."
The social worker raised an eyebrow, but continued.
"This is my daughter, Leroy."
The social worker interrupted, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they all named Leroy?"
"Isn't that rather, uh, inconvenient?"
"Not at all. When it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' and they all come running. And if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and the kid, whoever he is, stops."
The social worker thought a moment and then asked, "But what if you just want one kid to come and not all of them?"
"Ah, that's easy, too," answered the proud mother. "Then I just call them by their last names!"
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,shouting,
Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!
That's great, Sweetheart,' said her daddy.
Come in to the living room and tell me about it.
Well, began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
Lady Gaga : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady Gaga : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No miss, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Why football is played for 45 minutes???
Those who thought of this must have lots of time.
Why people play football for 45 minutes, not 30 minutes or 1 hour?
Even the sports scientist and some of the senior players could not give the right answer.
In that confusing situation one person came up with a reasonable answer.
He said... ... . The reason people play this game for 45 minutes is...
There are 2 teams and there are 11 players in each team. Each player brings his own '2 balls'.
So in total there are 44 balls. There is one ball on the ground itself. Thus the grand total is 45. Question Answered !!
Sometimes there is extra time of 2 minutes which is the referee's balls!
A patient comes running to the doctor shouting & screaming in pain
"Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a Bee."
Doctor : "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
Patient : "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."
Doctor : "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."
Patient : "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree"
Doctor (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."
Patient : (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts"
Doctor (banging his fist, abusing and shouting): "Which one?"
Pactient (innocently ): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's DIRECT MARKETING.
2. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call her and say, "Hi, I am very rich. Marry me!"
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK.
4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's MARKET COMPETITION.
5. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him!"
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You get up and straighten your tie. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her. You pick up her bag after she drops it. You offer her a ride and you say, "By the way, I am very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's PUBLIC RELATIONS.
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" YOUR WIFE TURNS UP!
That's BARRIER TO NEW MARKET
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich. Can you marry me?"
That's BRAND RECOGNITION.
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and say, I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
That's DEMAND AND SUPPLY GAP.
10. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You walk up to her and before you can say anything, another person comes along and tells her, "I am very rich. Marry me! And she follows him.
That's LOSING MARKET SHARE.
One day two hunters went for a hunt in the forest. Suddenly one of them got heart attack and lied down unconsciously the other hunter got panicked and called 911.
Hunter : Hello? I got emergency here. I went for a hunt with my friend here in a forest and he got heart attack and i think he is dead now.
Police : Come down. First thing, make sure he is already dead.
Hunter : Alright.
A moment later, the police heard a BANG!
Hunter : Alright. what's next?
"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
A man and his wife are watching a championship boxing match on TV. Early in the second round, one of the fighters went down for the count. The husband sighed and spoke, "I'm so disappointed. It was all over in four minutes!"
His wife replied, "Good! Now you know how I feel... "
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly... make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.
God saw me hungry, he created pizza
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi
He saw me in dark, he created light
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful
The grass and flowers too
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn't it rain on you?
Roses are red, Violets are blue
monkeys like u should be kept in zoo
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.